Apraxia--The thoughts

My feelings are torn.

I'm not naive to think that any of my children are perfect, but something about the word Apraxia just breaks my heart.

I'm thankful that it's not life threatening. Yes, Aaron may get made fun of...yes he may struggle with his self-esteem...yes, he will have a long road ahead of him...but I know that it's not going to physically kill him.

I wonder if we are doing the right thing. 4 hours a week, doesn't seem like a lot..but 3 of those hours are going to be pushing him to do things he can't do. For a child like Christopher, who really for the most part goes with the flow, it would be easy. For a child like Aaron, who gets frustrated if pushed too far, it will be a struggle.

I know if it was a physical ailment, I'd not question it. If the doctor told us that we needed to give him 4 hours a week of asthma treatment, I would in a heartbea--even if he fought it, even if others questioned it...I would faithfully give him that treatment.

I have to view speech therapy the same way. Others may question what we are doing, but I know first hand that verbal communciation makes life easier. The more someone can understand you, the easier the tast at hand is.

I feel overwhelmed. Most days I feel like it's a struggle to stay afloat and now I'm adding 2 more hours a week of scheduled activity. The other kids needs will be set aside, while I focus on Aaron. The tv may become a babysitter, Kate may have to go hungry fo ra little bit, Jon's work schedule may be toyed with, grace may have to ride the bus instead of being picked up. The house will need cleaned more often (or at least the living room), the car will need more gas. Those 2 hours are going to cause a lot of things to change.

But, I know it's worth it. I joke that I still get so excited to hear Christopher talk that when he asks for something at the store I give in and I'm worried how much I'll spend when Aaron starts talking and asking for things.

I know we have the best team beside us. One day Miss K was sitting in our living room and Aaron was having a great session. He had just started saying Dad (after a year of calling him mom and us working with him) and started saying animal sounds and as I tried to hold back the happy tears, Miss K looked at me and said "It just wants to make me cry."

His therapists are like family. Miss K has known him pretty much his entire life. We all know that the road ahead will be long, but we all know that when Aaron looks at us for the first time and says "I love you" it will have made the journey seem like nothing.

And since I've been there, I can tell him that Yes, the kids and adults may comment...but his speech delay is part of who he is. Laugh about it because it's part of him.