Spiraling down

I've been on an "Aaron is talking" high lately. It's not uncommon for me to have him "show off" his newest words--currently saying his last name and asking us where we are.

It's amazing how quickly that high, just spirals down.

Yesterday, I inquired about a program that the older kids do. I wasn't sure if Aaron could start when he turned 3, or if we needed to wait until the next fall. He has been feeling really left out, lately with the older two going to school, glasses at the art program, and this program.

The lady eagerly told me that when he turned 3 he could start. I said "just wanted to make sure you understand he doesn't talk very well." Her tone changed and I could tell she wasn't okay then with him doing the program. Needing to repeat back what the leader says is a large part of the program and while I understand that, I also understand that exposure to the lesson is also very important. My heart sank and I fought to keep the tears at bay as I said okay and as Grace said "but, he'll try to repeat what you tell him, you just won't be able to understand it." The leader, relented and said we could try it.

But, I don't know if I'll be comfortable trying it.

As a ex-leader I understand the reasoning, as a mom of a special needs child--it upsets me.

Partly it upsets me because this is the first time we've experienced it. It's not like he has that many things that he's done, but everyone has been so accomdating and understanding that he has a speech delay. His sunday school teacher is amazing with him, his VBS leaders were wonderful and of course his therapists at playgroup are great.

Partly it upsets me because he's only 3 and already is being told "no" because he can't speak as well as his peers. This time it was from an adult, but I know eventually it'll be from a child :(

As we left, I climbed into the car and just cried. Cried that he's different, cried that the adult wasn't willing to get to know him before she said no, cried that Grace felt the need to stand up for her brother, cried that we are already fighting the battle, cried that the whole situation happened, cried that I have to explain to people that he can't talk clearly and just cried that after so many ups, we got such a huge downward spiral.

I'm comforted knowing though, that while he still has a huge uphill battle he has a large group of people fighting it with him and as Grace proved last night--we won't take it sitting down. We'll make sure that he has the same opportunities as everyone else.